Reason for leave

The pen writes smoothly only when the ink is filled with the waters of your heart.

Words don't come easily

She lay motionless in the dark room. Outside the winds wailed like a crowd of banshees and clobbered the large window panes. It pushed people off the sidewalks into their secluded large homes and gas fireplaces. The trees bent helplessly and quaked as their delicate quivering branches were raped off their leaves.

The popcorn ceiling turned unexpectedly high into the slant of the roof. It felt too big inside and she too insignificant.

A mouse stood atop a slinky, in the trademark red and black of Disney. It was a purchase from the shops that lined the two confusing concentric circles of a busy marketplace. It had been insisted and she'd tried to refuse in her soft voice. Then she smiled shyly when it was placed in her hand outside the Disney store. Maybe they'd gone on to purchase some books later but she didn't remember anymore. It had been too long.

She sighed.

Some pictures had been lost, as though trying to hasten the erasure of memories. Like ink fading out on pieces of paper crackling with the traces of dried tears. The loss threatened to let those moments be relived only in the ache with which they were remembered.

She closed her eyes and a large tear slowly slid softly down her high cheekbones and fell upon the top of her clavicle. It eased into a nook and lay cold upon her feverish body.

She cuddled into a ball like a foetus searching for warmth and lay still again.

The first anniversary

The aqua blue walls mocked her ability to make wise decisions. The disarray had become a new habit she couldn't live with. It was easier to live elsewhere.

She stood to inspect what had been taken out of cardboard boxes and sighed. The piles stood messily beside the carton. She had wanted to avoid opening them till she had time. Or had 'cleared a little space in the corners of her mind'.

She had no inclination to tackle the piles and organize them where they belonged. Nothing belonged anywhere. She had no strength left to make the room more comfortable for her to stay in. The walls weren't those that she had to step out of. The mess was an inhuman part of her existence. It existed- on her bed or her closet, what did it matter?

She started to walk away and then froze near the enormous towering mirror. A tiny bundle of black and grey stared at her.

She remembered rummaging through the series of futuristic organized clear plastic boxes without any luck. Had she really tried then? Maybe not but she couldn't have tried any harder anyway. She had been numb with how closely she could feel death.

She had run so far away. There was nothing left to run from anymore.

The webcam looked back at her scornfully and she forced herself to turn away.