Saturday, September 08, 2007

The first anniversary

The aqua blue walls mocked her ability to make wise decisions. The disarray had become a new habit she couldn't live with. It was easier to live elsewhere.

She stood to inspect what had been taken out of cardboard boxes and sighed. The piles stood messily beside the carton. She had wanted to avoid opening them till she had time. Or had 'cleared a little space in the corners of her mind'.

She had no inclination to tackle the piles and organize them where they belonged. Nothing belonged anywhere. She had no strength left to make the room more comfortable for her to stay in. The walls weren't those that she had to step out of. The mess was an inhuman part of her existence. It existed- on her bed or her closet, what did it matter?

She started to walk away and then froze near the enormous towering mirror. A tiny bundle of black and grey stared at her.

She remembered rummaging through the series of futuristic organized clear plastic boxes without any luck. Had she really tried then? Maybe not but she couldn't have tried any harder anyway. She had been numb with how closely she could feel death.

She had run so far away. There was nothing left to run from anymore.

The webcam looked back at her scornfully and she forced herself to turn away.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel like you wrote about me. I'm glad it's fall.. as all the leaves fall from the trees and leave the branches bare, I want to strip away everything so that only the bare bones remain.
I'll rebuild in spring.