Saturday, March 04, 2006

Bound

Sometimes, those memories you thought you had banished to the far corners of your mind, run out like escaped convicts.

And they remind you of your prison. My prison. Which extends all around my body. Custom made to fit me as I grow, to imprison every bit of me, my every breath.

I feel that today as I read the post below this- my refusal to write personal testimonies. Because it reminds me of how much I can hate myself for being a woman.

Because sometimes, I just wonder, what it is to be like priviliged. To have history written from your perspective , glorifying your victories. To have religions interpreted in your favour. To have laws enforce these, to have courts pass rulings on these. To have every problem's cause deferred onto the other sex, the weaker one. The one prone to vice and immoral. The one I can blame all my problems on. The one I can beat up and dominate when I can't win over others of my sex.

Because sometimes, I just wonder, what it is to be like a man.

I'd like to be in that cushy spot. Because from where I stand, from where I have stood, from where my sisters stand, being a male is easier.

Because then, I am the rational, I am the scientific, I am the worker, I am the brains.

Because then I am also, the God.

14 comments:

rainbeau_peep said...

you be tagged! nyeh heh heh.

rainbeau_peep said...

oh my god, i just read ur post. had just left the last comment without reading. I'm going to contribute to blank noise now.

Deepali said...

no problem rainy, I figured you were in a rush. Besides I am glad you're writing up for blanknoise project :)

Surabhi said...

amazing posts Dee! You do it everytime! Ohh by the way,added you to my fellow bloggers list!

....R.A.J.A.... said...

You know Dee, some people are --

*less intelligent than others
*emotionally more vulnerable than others
*physically weaker than others
*overall, INFERIOR to the others

You know what I mean, right?

:-p

PS: this is to see a special shade of red!

Deepali said...

Raja koi asar nahin hua-mehnat par paani fir gaya :P

Surabhi: Thanks =D

Casablanca said...

Girl, you write beautifully! And thanks for the reminder, need to do my post for Blank Noise.

schazeb kohari said...

i had the exact same thing to say, but it was not about which sex you beling to, but ones place in ones head. and when i dont rank to high, it doesnt matter if i am a guy or a girl.
and then practicalities take over, which is such a shame.
will be reading you more often.

Deepali said...

Casa: Thank you!

Schazeb: A rather unique name I must say, first time i ever heard it! You're welcome anytime :)

maya said...

dont feel u r the less privilaged... u r god's own!

Deepali said...

maya: of course maya- just wrote it on one of those days when you feel frustrated 'tis all :)

vikRAM said...

Sometimes, those memories you thought you had banished to the far corners of your mind, run out like escaped convicts.

And they remind you of your prison. My prison. Which extends all around my body. Custom made to fit me as I grow, to imprison every bit of me, my every breath.


What a way to start a post. I just love these lines. Somehow they stamp a strange smile on my face everytime I read them.
I understand the purpose of the post is beyond these lines and probably extends beyond blogging, but I can't help praising the opening more than its cause.

--And thanks for your compliment. I know its strange, all the posts there are written by me ;).

Deepali said...

Vikram: in that case, I really do hope you resume blogging! Thank you once again.:)

the wannabe indian punkster said...

"because then I am also the God"
Why isn't God female?
Why isn't god referred to as Her?
You hit the nail on the head.