Love letters and a carelessly strewn heart

Dear T,

This is my first letter to you and long overdue. But I have been blind- in vision, in heart, in mind. I was looking over your snaps and I realized........ you aren't what I had thought of you all along.

I should have given you a chance sooner than this. I should have met you with an open heart. I hope you don't hold it against one whose heart has been broken by others of your kind. That is my only excuse for my prejudice.

But I was unwilling for I saw your imperfections first. For I was too overwhelmed to move on as soon as we met. I'm sorry that it took me years to find a place for you in myself.

And I have been too proud to admit it so. Can you blame me? For one who can claim to such splendour, grandeur and richness. Yes I am proud and one who belongs to all that I do should be as well.

Oh I still do not find your background as magnificent. I know you shall not speak my language. I know I shall look for what you won't let me have. That I shall look for my past in you. I shall even hope fervently for you to let my past seep into you. For a bit of you, to be like a bit of me. Let me sink my palms into that glorious mosaic of yours. Let it remind all those who pass by what is yours that you're also a little bit of mine.

If only you'd try to look further than what you have already. But I am grateful that you look deeper than your big brother. I do not like his aggressiveness or how he would want everyone, even me, to be more like him than my own self.

I know your inability to stand for yourself against the peacekeepers bothers me- very much so if you must know. I do hope you'd stop being silly about it and see them for what they are. Oh and do read their pamphlets including fine print before you argue with me about their merits. Yes I do know better.

And yet your lack of aggression is what makes me feel more warm than your brother could ever have done. I want you to know this so that you shake yourself from his shadow and find your own self. Stop trying to spite him dear- isn't that why you say you like the peacekeepers isn't it? But you know what they tried to do behind your back don't you? I won't say I told you.

It hurt me too afterall.

There is much that is left to be said. And felt. But I do not have the means or time to indulge in either for long.

Will you remember me once I am gone?I hope you await my return for I shall miss you so. I want you to envelope me in your warmth once again on my return. I chanced upon the realization that you've grown warmer towards me in these past few years. I have but a few months. Will you give yourself to me in all your glory?

I don't want to take away photo albums of you , of us. I want to leave in agony on our separation. Draw me back to yourself, make me return.The South American dictator, whom I do care for as deeply, must know that I want my children to know you just as she said. As their own.

But for now, let me go. Let me live what I have wanted. What you couldn't give me. Grant me this freedom to leave you.

But I promise you this- I shall return. And then again, accept me.

much love Me

p.s.: do laugh heartily for I would like you to join me.